Sleepless in Oakland

This always happens. I come home, ready to rest up, and here I am, 3+ AM in the morning, updating my webjournal. I don't know if I just get antsy at home, or if it's some subconscious reaction where I return to my bizarre sleeping schedule during high school. It's just that when I get home, I end up thinking. A lot.

It's usually a bunch of random stuff. Mostly, it's been about UCLA. Really, this is the first time in a long time that I haven't had something pressing to do in 10 weeks and honestly, it's a bit unnerving. I think it has something to do with my nature. I have this need to do work, probably because it's through my work where I interact with my support group. In high school, it was theatre. At UCLA, it's Samahang. And the times I felt the crappiest was when I had neither. Vacations are that bizarre period when you're taken away from what has essentially been your life for almost three months, and I can't help but feel a little empty.

It's not that I don't value the time I spend at home. Just last night, my cousin came down from Canada to celebrate his birthday with his family, and we came to visit. I really had a great time, especially seeing my cousins. God, I missed them! Most of the cousins I feel closest to are in high school and getting ready for college. Although I love UCLA, one of the bad things about it is that I don't spend as much time w/my cousins as I would like. I just think they're an amazing group of people with a lot of spirit, and we really don't get together as often as we should.

And that's just it. I really get a high when I'm connecting w/people. And I don't know if people around me are aware of that because I'm by myself so often. It's true, I do like to spend my time alone, meditating, thinking about the day, being my naturally introverted self, and being around people for an extended amount of time does wear me out, but it's because I get so much energy from those people that they just wear me out. And I have my own belief that when you've collapsed in your bed, completely exhausted, that you know you've had a good day. Although I love vacations, I don't have too many days like that, which is why I'm up on the better side of 4 in the morning, waiting for that exhausted feeling.