Old Stomping Grounds

So last Thursday I was back at UCLA attending Samahang Pilipino's Annual Welcome Reception. As a former student leader, it's always great to go back. Your biggest fear as a leader is that you leave things worse than when you were there, so knowing that a tradition you were part of for years still goes on gives you a little sense of relief. All the new students were sitting at their tables, watching all the org presentations, wondering what exactly was going. And all the current leadership, who all used to be the wide-eyed new students in the audience when I was around, were scrambling around, making sure sure everything was OK, and looking wiped out by the end of the night.

It was ironic to see, just because you remember that feeling all too well; you're in a new position, and you're excited about the new year. You compare yourself to your predecessors, remembering how they worked miracles, hoping you can live up to your own memories. And you have this huge fear that you'll do something stupid, like mess up an event, no one shows up, or you say something dumb that'll offend a bunch of people. Then when you DO mess up, you think everyone hates you, that you're incompetent, and when history looks back on you, all people will think about is how YOU messed up and jeopardized the entire organization. Does it sound like I've been there?

But if there was any question I'd ask the current leadership, I'd ask, "Had you really thought about the worst that could happen?" Seriously. What would really happen if no one showed up to your event? Or you happened to say something offensive? Or you couldn't get the funding you wanted for your workshop? Would the community really brand a scarlet letter on your chest? Would history remember you as a bad person? If I had really thought about the answers to those questions, I would've saved myself so much agony. And it's even more ironic that for three quarters, Summer, Fall, and Winter, Samahang is handcuffed by fear of expectations. It isn't until Spring, when everyone is finishing their term, and expectations for the perfect year are shot to Hell, and everyone just wants to get everything done, and is too busy to fear anything, when Samahang is at its finest.

And if you want to know what I as an alumnus think, I don't necessarily care about WHAT you do, but how you FEEL doing it. Do you really want what's best for the community? Do you believe Samahang is something worthwhile? If you can answer yes to both those questions, there's no way you can fail. Your heart will find all the knowledge, all the skills, and all the support you need to succeed.

A community organizer's ideal is that you create a situation where the community can articulate and address their own needs, making your own role obsolete. It's not something valued in the Western corporate world. You are supposed to make yourself INdispensable, creating a niche that you and only you can fulfill, to ensure yourself of employment. But I go back to UCLA every now and then, and I see Samahang is still around, doing just fine without me. Turns out I was just as dispensable as all the other alumni were. And there's no better feeling in the world.