Two Weeks of Review, Part I

So I haven't updated in two weeks, it's felt like more than a year, and I'm damn tired. It's amazing what can happen in two short weeks. I certainly don't have the energy to write about them all, so I'll write them in installments. This first installment is entitled...

The First Days of the Presidency

So my wish came true; I am now the President of Samahang Pilipino. My election went OK; I don't think my speech was as concise as I needed to be, and as a result I don't think I convinced general membership entirely of my abilities, but what's done is done. A lot of people have expressed their confidence in me, and I am humbled and thankful for their support.

So how do I feel after two weeks? Honestly, I don't really feel any different than I did before elections. Should I be feeling any different? I don't know. A part of me thinks that I shouldn't feel any different, that this is just business as usual, and I should just take care of business. But another part tells me that this is a big transition, and I should be feeling a huge shift of responsibility. And yet another part of me thinks that I should be basking in the moment. Maybe the right question isn't whether I'm feeling different, it's what I'm feeling. And I feel detached.

It's kinda been a pattern all year. I've really been work-driven this year, both from school and Samahang. And while I take tremendous pride in all the work that's been done this year, I've felt like I missed out on so much. I missed out on the One Step Ahead mentorship retreat. I missed out on traveling up to Berkeley to watch their PCN. I didn't do UCLA's SPCN. I missed out on picture taking with the outgoing Board. There were so many activities and events where I had an opportunity to bond with folks, and I didn't take them. And when I did have them, like Board retreat, I didn't feel completely there, like my energy was somewhere else. I don't had enough moments this year where I've interacted with folks without thinking about work.

Last night, during Samahang's End of the Year Banquet, I was really hoping to have that moment during the transition candlelighting ceremony. It's not like we would've said much, but it would've been an opportunity to just kind of reflect, and see the incoming board together. But instead, the ceremony was really rushed, and we kinda went on stage, lit the candles, and went off. Worse yet, I didn't even get a chance to light the successor to my Retention Coordinator position. ;-( I know we were really behind schedule, but I don't think we needed to rush that moment as much as we did. And I might not have shown it, but I was really upset.

Prior to last night, I've been part of three Board candlelighting ceremonies (when I was inducted as APC representative, when I was an outgoing Community Projects Coordinator, and when I was an incoming Retention Coordinator), and while candlelighting isn't the most sacred of Samahang rituals, it's still special. The outgoing Board stands there with their candles lit, and everyone takes their picture. Then, when your position is called, you're there with your predecessor/successor, you briefly look them in the eyes, and for a moment you see all the events of the past year, and all the hopes you have for the next. The outgoing position lights the incoming position's candle, and the process repeats. When all the incoming Board's candles are lit, the outgoing Board blows out their candles, and the incoming Board stands there, everyone takes pictures again, the torch officially passed. At least, that's how I saw the candlelighting ceremony. Then again, maybe I'm just being sentimental and making a mountain out of nothing.

While I was not pleased with the candlelighting ceremony, it's still just one moment compared to the thousands awaiting us for the year. Out of all my goals as President, one of my biggest is not to let those moments pass me by.