I hate money.

So I finally go back to the Office Depot where I ordered my new laptop to ask about this problem I had with the mail-in rebates. I expected that the mail-in rebates would be mailed with the laptop. But when I get to the store, they tell me that the rebates should have been printed out when I ordered the laptop. Worse yet, they tell me that since it's already been 8 weeks or so since I ordered the laptop, the rebates might have expired by now. How much are these rebates worth, you ask? $300. If they were worth so much, why they hell wasn't I up-in-arms several weeks ago? The three S's were on my mind for the past few months: School, Shelter, and Samahang. And now I sit here, silently seething that I may have negligently lost $300.

It's situations like these that I really hate money. "Losing" money really drives me crazy. Doing things like forgetting rebates, parking tickets, overdraft protection penalties, and other unnecessary expenses drive me nuts. For a guy who supposedly believes that money isn't everything, I sure act like it does when it disappears.

There are a few methods in how I'll reach this madness:

1. I'll think about things I could've done with that money. For example, with that $300 I could've paid off a good chunk of rent, or purchased 2-3 weeks worth of food, or bought a used Xbox and a bunch of games. It gets worse if I start to think globally, and realize that I could've donated that $300, which for some people is worth their entire year's income. It's when I think of these alternatives that I realize I would've been so much better taking one of those alternatives than just plain losing the money.


2. I'll lose security in knowing where things are in my life. It's not so much losing the value of the lost items as cracking one of the fundamental theories in my life that allow me to function. If I don't throw something away, I expect that item to be easily available and ready to be summoned when I need it. If I don't throw away a receipt, I expect to find it somewhere. If I can't find the receipt, I not only lose the receipt, but I also lose the security that I know where other important things are, like my keys, my wallet, my pictures, etc.


3. I'm a perfectionist, and perfectionists are not supposed to be negligent. If they are, they go nuts like me.

Crap like this make me so pessimistic, and I realize that I really should think about the things I do have: a loving family, awesome friends, the luxury of food, shelter, technology, and all that good stuff. Hey, I feel better already.