Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Road To Success

A dear friend of mine accused me of not updating my journal enough. Of course, she was right. At the same time, I accused her of sheltering her xanga posts by not importing them to Facebook. So Trinh, I'm going to update, but in return, my faithful readers are going to know you exist. All's fair in love and online journals.

I was reading Trinh's xanga about her non-profit work in the Gulf Coast. Trinh and our mutual friend, Lynne (and yes, that rhymes), have been in Biloxi, Mississippi for the past month helping the Vietnamese community there recover from Hurricane Katrina. Although the media has moved on to sexier stories, the struggle to rebuild the Gulf Coast continues, and there is still much work to be done. Trinh's pictures in her xanga tell the story far better than my words every could, so I will leave that story to her. But as I finished reading Trinh's entry, her last line had struck a chord:
"It's been overwhelming, and the work is draining, no doubt. I've outreached to at least 120 houses in four days, so it's no surprise that I'm constantly tired. What surprises me though is that I already feel like my morale is low, and it's only the beginning..." - Trinh's Xanga
My first reaction was to immediately post a comment about how Trinh should keep her head up and how her work was truly making a difference. The world needed more people like Trinh and Lynne, people who dreamed of a better world and took action, and all I could think of was the tragedy it would be if either of them had lost hope! But as her words and my thoughts sank in, I started to think about my own dreams of becoming a great actor, and how my experience will be littered with obstacles and failures. Such is the universal human struggle: how do you succeed when the obstacles seem insurmountable?

When you have a destination, but the path is unfamiliar, you seek people who have taken the path before you. Thus, if I were to desire success, I must seek the successful. Enter Thomas Keller, executive chef and proprietor of the world-renowned French Laundry. After watching the amazing film Ratatouille, of which Keller served as a consultant, I was compelled to better understand Keller's love of food and its preparation. I started reading The French Laundry Cookbook, and within the first sentence of his introduction, Keller gets right to the point; great food starts with understanding its (and thus, the chef's) main purpose: to make people happy. But if you want to make others happy, you must find happiness yourself:
"For me, it's the satisfaction of cooking every day: tournéing a carrot, or cutting salmon, or portioning foie gras - the mechanical jobs I do daily, year after year. This is the great challenge: to maintain passion for the everyday routine and the endlessly repeated act, to drive deep gratification from the mundane."
- Thomas Keller, The French Laundry Cookbook
Reading the first paragraph alone got me thinking about love, and I came to a two revelations:
1. Love is NOT a more intense version of like.
I don't always like the people I love, and some of the things I love to do require things I'd rather do without. So LIKING something is not a prerequisite for LOVING something.
2. Love is about truly understanding the necessity of an action to accomplish a greater dream.

The true struggle of love lies in connecting our actions with the unrealized result. I may not like sitting in front of a computer for 30 minutes submitting to casting calls, nor do I like driving 30 minutes out of my way for an audition, nor do I like juggling two part-time jobs in order to keep a flexible schedule, but if I truly love acting, then I know all of this will lead to the realization of my dream. The better I connect these actions to my dream, the closer I reach Keller's ideal: that I will appreciate submitting to casting calls, and driving, and juggling the part-time jobs. (The great irony is that in indulging in the appreciation of the actions leading to success, you actually realize success in the present. In other words, taking the actions to be successful BECOMES SUCCESS ITSELF.)
So maybe the key to success is appreciating what we are doing now, and having faith that our actions will lead us to greater successes. Biloxi may have a long way to go, but Trinh and Lynne, you have my faith. And just maybe, you might find success sooner than you think.

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Dissenter

If you have a bit of time on your hands, I suggest reading this great article in the NY Times about Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens, who is considered the leader of the liberal bloc of the Court. With the current Supreme Court polarized along partisan lines, and questions about the ability of the Court to remain unaffected by political pressures abound, it is heartening to know that people like Justice Stevens still believe in the idea of an impartial government that does not cow to personal or political agendas.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Clothes Make the (Wo)Man

So I have a new favorite show: Tim Gunn's Guide To Style. Normally I don't go for makeover shows; I feel like they're used to show off the designers, to show how much cooler and more stylish they are than everyone else. What's worse, the ones getting made over are totally silenced (because it was their bad taste that got them there anyway), while they're placed on a makeover assembly line, with each "expert" placing their own superficial mark on the subject, until the makeover-ees get to the end of the line, make their family and friends cheer for one fleeting moment, and then go back home, and all I can think is "in 24 hours, they'll be back to square one."

But Guide To Style is different. Instead of Gunn and his beautiful fashion accomplice, supermodel Veronica Webb, imposing their opinions like theirs are the only ones that matter, they dig deeper and really try to understand their makeover subjects, and why they choose to wear what they wear. While they provide guidance, Gunn and Webb never actually decide what their subjects should wear; it's up to the women themselves to discover their own style, and what feels right to them.

After watching the first three episodes, you'll find that a pattern emerges. All of the subjects on the show, to varying degrees, have the same problem: they all cling onto a past that doesn't reflect their present. One woman was in her 40's with a husband and daughter, and yet believed her 20's were the pinnacle of her life. Another woman had lost a tremendous amount of weight, but still dressed like she was 300 lbs. Another woman had moved around a lot, and believed she always had to blend in with each changing environment. As a result, all of them wore clothes that were unflattering, hugged them in the wrong places, and simply weren't them. As Gunn would say, they didn't "own" their look. Which of course made me ask the question, "did I own my look"?

After finishing the first episode, I immediately went down to my room started going through my own closet. Within that jungle of hangers and cloth, I found the same problem that haunted all these women; I had t-shirts from my college days, random underwear of different sizes and styles, dress shirts that were too big, worn out tops that were washed out and dull, etc. I wondered what was it in my psyche that urged me to keep these clothes, and what did I have to do to let go of my past, and embrace my present.

Ironically, my past was all about my future. Growing up, I was constantly reminded about the promises of the future. My parents both immigrated from the Philippines, constantly reiterating how important it was for them to give their children a better life. I had two older sisters who, by their presence alone, reminded me what my future had in store. It was a wonderful message that inspired hope and longevity.

But with all the reminders about the wonders of the future, I somehow twisted and corrupted the message into believing that the present wasn't good enough. I had to act older. I had to act wiser. I had to be in control. I had to anticipate all the consequences. I had to constantly think about the future. And my clothes reflected that. Very rarely did I have clothes that actually fit me. I always wore clothes that were a few sizes too large, anticipating that I would grow into them. Ironically, once I grew into those clothes, they wore out, so I would end up buying new clothes that wouldn't fit me!

So in that closet, I made the conscious decision to only wear things that fit me. I cleaned out most of my t-shirts and underwear, and stuck them into my luggage to be stored away in Oakland. I then went shopping at Ross (I may need to update my style, but I'm still on a budget), and only bought clothes that really felt right. My wardrobe transformation isn't quite complete, but I've got a good start. I also know I have a long way to go.

Clothes are superficial, but fashion is about how clothes make you feel. Ultimately, Guide To Style is about more than just designer clothes; it's about finding one's own confidence and self-worth. Because the right outfit won't disguise you; it will showcase who you truly are. And you are beautiful.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

What a Weekend!

So last weekend was one for the ages. I returned to Oakland to witness my oldest sister getting married! There are too many things to write about, and I hope over the next few weeks I can address them all. But in the meantime I'll just take things one at a time. So I begin this series of articles with:

Chapter One: She Picked the One

I remember when I first met my sister's would-be-husband a few years ago, and he made a nice impression. I liked him. But inside, I wasn't sure if he was THE ONE. My sister has had close calls before, and I couldn't help but be skeptical. Even after the engagement, I wondered whether they were getting married just because they were getting older and were just settling for each other. On the day of the wedding, I would find out if he was for real.

The day of the wedding didn't quite start off the way I would've liked. I was scheduled to sing for both the wedding ceremony and the reception, and I had no practice with my cousin who was taking care of the accompaniment. So I stayed with him the night before, assuming that everyone there knew they should be at the church about an hour before the wedding started. Well, forgetting that Filipinos believe nothing is ever on time anyway, I got there a good 10 minutes before we were set to start. Oh, and because I didn't have time the night before to pack my clothes, my parents had to bring my clothes to the church.

So there I was, still in my sweats and T-shirt, in the lobby of the church, ten minutes before I was to sing "Ave Maria" for the opening procession. I ran to the side room where my sister, who was absolutely stunning in her wedding dress, was just listening to her iPod. I changed, explaining why I was late, AND that my cousin didn't know he was supposed to play accompaniment to "Ave Maria," and we had to go to a backup plan.

"Here it comes," I thought. Here was my oldest sister who, while I always loved her, was known as a big nagger. She would always order me around, trying to impose her authority as the oldest, and as the youngest, I would rebel. I felt she would try to correct me whenever she had a chance. And now, having already messed up on what's supposed to be the greatest day of her life, I expected my sister to go ballistic. And she had every right to be.

But she surprised me that day. She just told me not to worry about it. She said she knew I would get to the wedding as soon as I could. And that the regular church organist was there as a backup, that she was a pro, and she could play for the opening procession. She had a quiet confidence I had never seen before. She had this sense that in the end, everything would work out. It was almost like the wedding itself was a formality. This wasn't a big transition into marriage. The transition had already happened. She picked her man.

For most of my adolescent and adult life I've been skeptical about love. I saw too many instances of cliche, of childish notions of "Happily Ever After," of infatuations filled with roller-coasters of drama. But at that split second, on Saturday, September 8th, 2007, at 1:55 PM, when I saw my sister just sitting there in her wedding dress, listening to her iPod, when that skepticism melted away. My sister found THE ONE. And there's no one on Earth who deserved it more.