I hate money.

So I finally go back to the Office Depot where I ordered my new laptop to ask about this problem I had with the mail-in rebates. I expected that the mail-in rebates would be mailed with the laptop. But when I get to the store, they tell me that the rebates should have been printed out when I ordered the laptop. Worse yet, they tell me that since it's already been 8 weeks or so since I ordered the laptop, the rebates might have expired by now. How much are these rebates worth, you ask? $300. If they were worth so much, why they hell wasn't I up-in-arms several weeks ago? The three S's were on my mind for the past few months: School, Shelter, and Samahang. And now I sit here, silently seething that I may have negligently lost $300.

It's situations like these that I really hate money. "Losing" money really drives me crazy. Doing things like forgetting rebates, parking tickets, overdraft protection penalties, and other unnecessary expenses drive me nuts. For a guy who supposedly believes that money isn't everything, I sure act like it does when it disappears.

There are a few methods in how I'll reach this madness:

1. I'll think about things I could've done with that money. For example, with that $300 I could've paid off a good chunk of rent, or purchased 2-3 weeks worth of food, or bought a used Xbox and a bunch of games. It gets worse if I start to think globally, and realize that I could've donated that $300, which for some people is worth their entire year's income. It's when I think of these alternatives that I realize I would've been so much better taking one of those alternatives than just plain losing the money.


2. I'll lose security in knowing where things are in my life. It's not so much losing the value of the lost items as cracking one of the fundamental theories in my life that allow me to function. If I don't throw something away, I expect that item to be easily available and ready to be summoned when I need it. If I don't throw away a receipt, I expect to find it somewhere. If I can't find the receipt, I not only lose the receipt, but I also lose the security that I know where other important things are, like my keys, my wallet, my pictures, etc.


3. I'm a perfectionist, and perfectionists are not supposed to be negligent. If they are, they go nuts like me.

Crap like this make me so pessimistic, and I realize that I really should think about the things I do have: a loving family, awesome friends, the luxury of food, shelter, technology, and all that good stuff. Hey, I feel better already.

What Can You Do in a Week? Plenty.

So I'm writing this entry from the passenger side of my Honda Civic as Chuck and myself head back to Los Angeles. BACK to Los Angeles? Yup, this weekend I was home in Oakland. It was fun taking my ex-roomie around the Bay, reminding me why I love home so much. But back to a re-cap of the week (Note: this is a LONG re-cap of the week. Go to the bathroom and get a cup of coffee, 'cuz here we go):

1. Monday - Turned in my 72-hr. Asian Am 20 Final
Overall it was a very interesting class. Our professor, Vu Tram, had a very different perspective from a lot of my previous Asian Am professors. He provides leadership training for APIs in corporations, so that a) those APIs have better access to management positions where they can make corporations more responsible to the community, and b) use the capital from those trainings (the corporations pay Vu's organization market value) to organize on the grassroots community level. He's not conservative, but he's not as liberal as most folks I've met in Asian Am. Although I don't agree with some of the things he said, he provided a refreshing perspective and emphasized a lot of important skills to have (he was really big about networking and befriending folks, and it rubbed off on a few of the students, who ended up with a network after class).

2. Monday - Samahang Board Meeting
I only note this because it was this Board meeting when I announced that I was going to the Bay Area this weekend. I told them "well, I have this dentist's appointment around noon on Monday, and I'll try to drive down to the Board meeting in time..." when Bernice, our Retention Coordinator (who's been doing a beautiful job, BTW), interrupted and just told me to not worry about it and take the weekend off. It was sort of a wake up call; sometimes I get so caught up with Samahang I just forget how much time I put into it. It's been this debate within me whether spending so much time with Samahang has been a good thing; on one hand, I'm working with people I really care about, in work that I love, and on the other, I don't spend much time on things outside of Samahang and school, like family things, and getting to know people outside of the work. I guess it's my style to get to know people through work; I come from a strong theatre background, where your relationships are based on three things:

1. The massive amounts of time you spend together in rehearsal (my shows with Alameda Civic Light Opera required rehearsals 6-10 everyday, with Saturday rehearsals from 11-2 for about a month, and then three weeks before the show, the Saturday rehearsals get pushed to 12-10)
   
2. Your lack of time to do anything else beyond your day job, and
   
3. Your common passion to perform.

One of my personal goals is to place more weight on relationships, as opposed to tasks, but to say whether Samahang pushes me more to accomplish tasks or to build relationships is still up in the air, and probably be a struggle right up to the day I walk out of UCLA with my degree.

3. Tuesday - Maricar's Homecoming
That was just a beautiful day. A friend I've known since my 1st year, now graduated and completing Teach for America in New York, stopped by Westwood to grace us with her presence. It was beautiful to see Maricar again, as well as all the other people that came to dinner to see her again (there were about 20 total). The dinner was just smiles all-around, and it reminded all of us how far we've all come, and how it's the quirky, silly, embarrassing moments that people remember, and bring people closer together. In my quest for perfection, I always tried hard so people would NOT remember those things that made me seem weird or adolescent, but when I look back, it kept me isolated, and on a certain level, unapproachable. I made a vow upon my grandfather's death that I would put people first, but certain habits I've hoarded have kept people at bay. I've gotta get over my fears, realize that my self-perceived vulnerabilities are beautiful, and let my allies know that.

4. Thursday - A Flat Tire
What was going to be a productive day at meetings and apartment hunting came to a halt when I discovered that my front right tire not it's usual, round self. Thanks to my roomies Richard and John, we changed the tire, put on that dinky, temporary replacement tire, and drove it to Santa Monica where I got the flat repaired (stupid nail). Overall, it cost $27, two hours of traveling and talking to the mechanics in Santa Monica, one meeting, and one apartment for viewing.

5. Friday - CS 111 Final Completed
I really don't know what to think about this one. I answered all the questions, filled up almost all the blank space, reviewed my answers three or four times, and finished first with 30 minutes to spare. If I were doing B work, I wouldn't worry about it, but the fact that I'm closer to C work is quite troublesome. And when I turned in my Final, my professor told me "you know, you do have 30 minutes left, are you SURE you want to turn this in?" I bit my lip harder, but knowing that an extra 30 minutes probably wouldn't have changed my answers all that much, took a leap of faith and turned in the Final. So all that's left is a project and a prayer.

6. Friday - The Drive Home
Chuck picks me up from school and we drive over to the apartment to pick up my stuff. During the drive, we reminisced about sports, 90's R&B, beer commercials, and any other random stuff that good, old roommates talk about.

We stopped by the exit to Patterson (I think, it's the exit off the 5 with the really wide, two-lane road, no stoplights, with a motel at the very end, a Carl's Jr. right next to it, and a McDonald's next to that) where we stopped by this new burger place across from the fast food chains. I personally avoid fast-food chains whenever I can; a lot of their beef come from slash and burn ranches from developing nations in Latin America, which is cheap, but incredibly wasteful. So in general, I like to go to independent restaurants (or at least, what seem to be independent restaurants). I also prefer vegan dishes, however, it's pretty difficult to get any decent vegan meals on the road, so I broke my vegan streak of a week to have a burger. Chuck had to order the zucchini sticks, since it was a tradition that Chuck and I had when we went to Big Tomy's on Pico, but there was way too much breading and the zucchini was soggy. Quite sad, but the burgers and fries were good.

On the trip, I bet Chuck that when we got home, my mom either had Chicken Adobo or Arrozcaldo in the kitchen. When we got home, yup, adobo it was.

7. Saturday - Parked car, ordinary. Parked car getting hit, not so ordinary. YOUR parked car getting hit...
I really don't need to go over the details since Chuck goes over the details so well. Honestly, I really didn't care that my car got hit; I mean, if you know me, as long as my car works, is in relatively the same shape as it was yesterday, and isn't missing any essential parts, I'm cool. I honestly didn't want to go through all the paperwork I'd have to fill out to deal with insurance. Neither did my dad, and since I was going back to Los Angeles, my dad just said that he'd take care of paint stuff when I got back again (since there were a few other scratches on it anyway).

8. Saturday - James's Graduation Party
So after that amusing incident in the El Cerrito parking lot, Chuck & I picked up Genevieve and we headed over to James's party. It was really cool to talk to James's family and old friends; you get to learn a lot about a person and who made them who they are. For example, James had a strong group of friends that he grew up with since elementary school, which I think reflects in his courage to different things (cheerleading, Samahang, Teach for America, etc.), and a lot of male relatives to develop his sense of humor. I'm a much better man having met the guy, and it was great seeing him again.

9. Saturday - Whale Rider Hold 'Em
After the party we took Genevieve to Theo and Merrick's place (two UCLA & Samahang alumni going to Berkeley grad school in Public Policy) to chill. Finally saw Whale Rider (14-year old + tearful, real emotional speech = Oscar nomination), and played some Hold 'Em when Jason and Glenn stopped by. I thought we were just playing for fun, so I made a move that normally I wouldn't do, and lost it all. Happened that we WERE playing for money, but fortunately, Chuck was an experienced Hold 'Em player and cleared the table (for future folks who do plan to play for money using chips, it is common courtesy to put in your cash BEFORE you distribute chips, hence the term, BUY-IN). Nevertheless, I had fun reading people, and learned that I've gotten pretty good at it. Little secrets for you inexperienced poker players: novices who bluff tend to be quick, non-challant, and act confident with their bet, trying to mask the weakness of their hand; novices with real hands tend to shake as they are counting chips. Also, players who get big flops tend to hold their breath and their eyes get wide. Players who had strong pocket hands but got an unfavorable flop take a deep breath and release, like they're facing a real challenge.

10. Sunday - Summer in the City
Sunday, I took Chuck on BART to Union Square. Did some window shopping, and watched some hardcore Pinoys play chess. Honestly, if it weren't so chilly outside, Chuck and I could've spent the entire day watching those guys. I don't think I've ever been so mesmerized watching chess: all of their moves were made with purpose, with precision, and with speed. I was also very impressed with the pawn play: only great chess players can really use their pawns effectively. I saw this one Pinoy battle this White tourist in a timed handicap match, 5 minutes (White dude) - 2 minutes (Pinoy), and the Pinoy won three consecutive matches, and about $2. I lost $1.50 in a match I really shouldn't have been in, making my total winnings at the Powell Street chess tables at -$2. But it was like going to Chess school, and seeing just how much I had to learn about the game.

11. Sunday - Anchorman
One of the funniest movies ever. Exclamation point.

12. Monday - The Drive Down
Hot, sticky, but I'm here aren't I.

13. Monday - Garden State
So I managed get to LA fast enough for the Samahang Board bonding activity, watching the movie Garden State with Natalie Portman and Zach Braff. As for the movie, it's a mixed bag. On the one hand, I felt Natalie Portman had a strong performance, showing that she's developing into one of the best actresses of her generation. On the other, I felt Zach Braff as the male lead felt a little weak. Mind you, his character was coming off of medication, so I can understand acting "out of it", but I would have liked to seen more gradual development from his character, of him coming out of his shell. Some scenes just feel like he comes out of nowhere, which may be realistic, but for the viewer, it's jarring and makes for a problematic lead character. Although I do like his diverse choice of camera shots (Zach Braff was also director AND writer), some shots just seem to be there just to be there, and don't really push the overall theme of living through emotion. While there are pluses to this movie, it's not worth seeing in a theatre; wait 'til DVD.

So ends my week. Thank you for spending several hours of your day with me. Have a nice day.